In dating, like in life, there are certain things you should never really talk about. Especially in dating, though, saying the wrong thing can turn an otherwise good date into a disastrous situation your partner can’t wait to flee from.
The first date is always the trickiest of the bunch. Even if you’ve connected through online dating and already know the person a little bit, and even if you were already friends deciding to try for something different, the implications of a first date can leave just about everyone on edge.
Let’s face facts here. Guys are thinking about getting lucky. They’re checking out how the girl looks and hoping that their corny moves will lead to the bedroom.
Likewise, girls are deciding whether or not they’re going to let you get that far. Maybe tonight; maybe eventually – it doesn’t matter. The first date is what usually seals the deal here. So if you get lucky on your third date, look back and pat yourself on the back for a job well done on date one.
In this article, we’ll cover ten of the topics you should really avoid and, more importantly, why you should avoid them.
By and large, this is some pretty common sense stuff. You’ll recognize a lot of these topics and the reasons you shouldn’t bring them up will make sense. However, everything seems like it was a great idea you already knew about in hindsight.
Keep the Online Dating Thing out of the Light
While you may have actually meet your potential mate online, bringing up online free dating as a topic of conversation on a first date is a recipe for disaster. Why? Well, if you opened up about your dating experiences, it’s hard to tell how you’d come out looking as a result.
Maybe you’d seem like a real schmuck whose only shot at a date was to meet someone digitally. Or maybe you’d seem like a player who really likes to clean up on dating sites and take everyone out. Regardless, this is something you shouldn’t talk about while on your first date. Nothing good is going to come from it.
Maybe after you’ve been together for six months or a year, you can audition to star in one of those cheesy dating site commercials. For right now, though, keep it silent.
No Money Talks
Well, some would say that money is a “private” thing that you shouldn’t be discussing. That might be true, but we don’t view it as such a private issue, more so than something braggarts blow hard about in order to impress someone.
If you’re broke, the odds are great that you’re not going to speak about money and will probably change the subject in a hurry if your date brings it up. If you have some money, however, you might find yourself espousing your own virtues and how much you’re willing to spend.
One, it makes you sound cheesy and like money is the only thing you have working for you. Two, it’s inviting the gold-diggers in. Three, your date will certainly order the expensive menu items, making you regret ever mentioning the money.
Do Not Save Your Date’s Soul
Some dates find that they want to speak about religion, especially if they met on a religious dating site and share the “same” faith. However, you’d be surprised just how fickle religion really is.
If you’re a believer in something and are offended by this, let us say that… well, screw it. Be offended. Prove our point about how fickle religion is and give us a good laugh.
In all seriousness, though, bringing up religion is opening the door for an argument. If you’re a Muslim and your date is Jewish (which technically isn’t allowed, of course; we’re only using it as an example of the bitter feud), things won’t go well if you bring it up. In fact, even Christian on Christian religious conversations can go terribly wrong, and forget about it if your date is an atheist.
Asking your date why he or she isn’t this or that or doesn’t hold so and so in the same esteem as you is very condescending and sounds like you’re preaching. And as long as you’re talking about religions, there’s no getting around it – you’re going to sound like you’re preaching. Just don’t do it.
Jobs and Business Discussions are for the Office
If your date asks what you do for a living and you want to tell a quick little story or something, go for it. But avoid talking about jobs and any type of business in great detail. First and foremost, it’s extremely boring and isn’t appropriate date conservation. Secondly, the ins and outs of your day give a little too much information for a first date.
The biggest problem with the whole “work” thing is that the conversation can really become about you, you, you, whereas conversation on a date should be whimsical and mutually enjoyable. Think of a first date like a mini improv comedy show, not as a group therapy session.
Keep the Critiques to Yourself
Now, this is one of the most obvious tips in this article, but it’s also one of the most common conversations that lead to a bad date – the dreaded criticism. How does it all start? Well, it integrates itself into the date slowly.
For example, your date might ask you, “How do I look?” Your natural inclination is to be flattering. Knowing this, your date might press the issue: “Come on. I know I don’t look that good. Tell me the truth.”
The next thing you know, you’re picking your date apart, making little comments about shoes, colors, hair, etc, and you look like the biggest jerk-off since Roman Polanski. Okay, maybe not anal sodomy bad – but still bad!
The trick here is to give compliments without seeming very complimentary. You want to appear to be telling the truth (not to say that you wouldn’t be telling the truth), so don’t get carried away. This way, you can avoid going down the critique road.
Nobody Cares about Your Exes
Do not ever speak about your exes on a date. Like with the tip mentioned above, this is usually something initiated by your date. He or she might ask you about your ex, and you’ll spill the beans a little bit. One question and answer leads to another question, and the next thing you know you’re spilling out all over the place about how much you hate your ex and how they never really paid attention to you.
Speaking about your ex is only going to come across in a few ways. For starters, you may seem a little vindictive if you put them in a negative light. Likewise, you might seem like you’re a little too needy. But worst of all, you could come across as if you’re not over your ex yet, meaning that you stand zero shot with this date.
The best thing to do is to smile and say that you do not want to talk about your ex if your date brings up the topic. Your date will take a second to process the information and think about how it would feel if you asked the same question. So just give it a minute to blow over. Don’t speak; just relax!
Keep Your Prescriptions in Your Pocket
Some of the worst date stories of all time revolve around people who couldn’t keep their mouths shut about medical issues. I mean, think about it. Do you really want to know about your date’s bladder infection when you’re eating pesto pasta? Talk about gross!
Even if you’re only speaking about little minor aches and pains, this is something your date doesn’t want to hear about. You’ll come across like a crybaby and a whiner. If you’re a guy, this means she’ll label you a sissy. If you’re a girl, he’ll immediately assume that you’re too melodramatic and probably high-maintenance to boot.
Maybe you could catch some sympathy for an ailing back near the end of the date. It might be your “in” to score a kiss. But as a conversation topic, this is really a stupid thing to speak about. Just keep it to yourself.
Your Date Doesn’t Care about Your Pets
Sitting there during your date, fumbling around for something to talk about, you might decide to spark up a conversation about your pets. After all, they’re cute, cuddly, fluffy, and all that other nonsense. But it’s really a bad move.
Some people out there show a little too much affection for their pets. Maybe you don’t think it’s “too much,” but your date might think you’re a freak. More than that, though, speaking about your pets is just really boring. It makes it sound as if the pets are the only thing you have going in your life.
If you’re a guy, that’s just sad. There are too few cases of that going around to even give it a name. If you’re a girl, however, you’re the proverbial cat lady. Welcome to spinster land.
This Isn’t the Sixties
Five decades ago, taking a strong stand against Vietnam and shouting from the rooftops that you were pro-socialism, pro-communism and anti-USA was a surefire way to land a Jane Fonda-like girl – especially if you were an American. These days, however, the whole right-left political dynamic is too much for people to put up with.
Nobody cares if you voted for Barack Obama. It’s not 2008 anymore. The whole “hope and change” thing was sparked by Hollywood and carried to the masses via the vast majority of left-wing media, but their numbers are so incredibly low that it literally takes public funding to keep them afloat.
Do you know what that means? It means nobody wants to hear about your political leanings in 2011! We’re too polarized when it comes to politics. Unless you were to side with your date verbatim on every issue, there’s a great chance that the date would end up in a boxing ring with both sides throwing low blows. So just avoid political discussions altogether.
Keep Your Kids in Your Wallet
Speaking about your kids isn’t the worst thing in the world on a date. Well, unless you’re speaking about them constantly, that is. If you have kids, your date will probably want to know their names and their ages and to see their photos.
What your date doesn’t want, however, is a life story about your kids that will most likely end up with you making a pitch for a new mommy or daddy for your kids! Or at least that’s how it’s going to come across. So be sure that you keep the kiddy talk to a minimum.